weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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