oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
