dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
