She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
