there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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