i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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