Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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