He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
