i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
