Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
