I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
