Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
did you just send me my own nude
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
