What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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