She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
