he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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