I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
