So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
