I need help removing her.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
