ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
