When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
