Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
