Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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