My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
