Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
