I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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