you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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