You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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