youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
