if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
