Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
