I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
