um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
