Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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