There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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