Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
