dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
