I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
