I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
