All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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