mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
