I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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