Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
