i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
