did you get engaged???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
