Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
