I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
