You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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