today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
