85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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