I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
