the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
