final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
