Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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