I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
