i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the day after is always just damage control
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
