I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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